joe of parma kills you

a defence of girl talk

2008-11-17T09:30:00.004-05:00

The most prominent criticism of Girl Talk is that his work is simply comprised of other artists' music. Such an argument is typically presented as though Girl Talk fans are somehow unaware that his music is sampled, or that awareness of such a fact will detract from the enjoyment of the sweet, sweet ear candy.

I suppose I wouldn't mind conceding that Gregg Gillis is not a musician. Although I'm admittedly unaware of his musical prowess, I guess I can admit that Night Ripper and Feed the Animals don't represent any virtuosity on his part. Instead, Gillis is one of the best songwriters of our time, crafting 40- and 50-minute long works of epic pop-etry with the unfathomable constraint of using only material that already exists. The sheer breadth of Gillis's music library is impressive on its own; the seamless interweaving of his collection's very best moments is positively staggering.

Gillis combines the first verse of Eminem's "Shake That" with Yael Naïm's "New Soul" (the song from the MacBook Air commercial) into a bubbly hip-pop classic. Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl" and Three Six Mafia's "I'd Rather" become a hilarious (and rockin') call-and-answer. The last twelve or so minutes of the album build unimaginable momentum from the ritzy piano of Chicago's "Saturday in the Park" behind the Quad City DJs to the dazzling crescendo of Journey's "Faithfully" supported by no less than three samples that I don't recognize. And you know what? That doesn't matter.

Feed the Animals is not so much a composition as a science experiment, a solution of pop music itself purified of every single imperfection. Weak verses and hackneyed lyrics are left behind in its monstrous wake. Gillis becomes the unacknowledged legislator of pop music as a whole, stringing together gem after gem into a 50-minute all-star jam session. It's adored by music nerds (like me) who marvel at the omnipresent "Crank That" chorus over the iconic guitar licks of Thin Lizzy's "Jailbreak", but it's also enjoyed by fratboys who like Lil Wayne and parents who think it's funny to hear kids listen to ? and the Mysterians again.

It's always been my opinion that a fair appraisal of an album is its ability to move a listener. Girl Talk simply makes listeners want to move. It's a party on a disc. And it raises questions in the mind of everyone who hears it: 1.) How could anyone think to make something like this? 2.) Why has no one done this before? 3.) Where can I find more of it?

Answers:
1.) Because Girl Talk owns.
2.) Because Girl Talk owns.
3.) Still trying to figure that one out.

Linux sucks, redux

2008-11-07T10:01:00.004-05:00

Okay, okay, Linux doesn't suck. But it's not right for me. Let me present some numbers that will perfectly illustrate the difference between Windows Vista and Ubuntu 8.10.

Time spent installing updates
Windows Vista: 3 hours
Ubuntu 8.10: 2 minutes

Time spent setting up a network bridge
Windows Vista: 2 minutes
Ubuntu 8.10: 3 hours to no success

Both of them suck, but I know which one I'm going with. Oh well. Maybe Jaunty Jackalope will do it for me.

point / counterpoint

2008-09-29T20:55:00.003-04:00

Point:
Knowing Latin is awesome, because any idiot can shoot off a simple conversation in Spanish, but being able to translate classical texts is an awesome ability to have.

Counterpoint:
Being known as "the student who knows Latin" in class can be somewhat unpleasant.

Presidential Debate drinking game

2008-09-22T12:20:00.002-04:00

One drink
Obama: "Look,"
McCain: Any attempt to distinguish self from Bush administration

Three drinks
Obama: "... notion that..."
McCain: "... earmarks..." or "... pork-barrel spending..."

Five drinks
Obama: Stuttering/vocalizing for more than three seconds
McCain: Creepy old guy smile

Finish drink
Obama: "... my Muslim faith..."
McCain: "... gooks..."

mixed messages

2008-09-17T07:33:00.000-04:00

No, sorry AIG, we'd love to help you guys but it would send a bad message to investors downplaying the risks associated with--

*eight hours later*

Okay but for real though we got this, here's eighty-five billion dollars, peace.

selections from my Google search history

2008-09-05T07:28:00.000-04:00

"back pain"
"my back hurts"
"can i get vicodin for back pain"
"is the real white house like the west wing"

excerpts from English department brochure, Cleveland State University, 2008

2008-09-02T12:33:00.001-04:00

"... the English department career advising office doubles as a balcony with no railing and a spectacular view of the Cleveland skyline. Please note that the English department is conveniently located on the 18th floor of Rhodes Tower to assist in your problem solving."

"Successful alumni:
Salty Lucas Finnegan, panhandler, East 18th and Prospect LLC
Jimmy Gascan McScroogie, rapscallion, Edgewater Park Picnic Table, inc.
Three-fingered Ed, currently between jobs"

Palin' in comparison

2008-08-29T13:37:00.000-04:00

In the short hours since John McCain selected Alaska Governor Sarah Palin to be his running mate, the decision has been hailed by pundits and bloggers alike as anything from baffling to brilliant. Or so I'm guessing, because I've been in class, pondering the logic behind this decision instead of the novels of Eliza Haywood or the finer points of ballad stanza.

The choice of Governor Palin for Vice President is somewhat unconventional for a number of reasons - she's young, female, and a political greenhorn to such an extent that makes Senator Obama look like Senator Byrd. At first this might appear to be a case of simply balancing the ticket - Governor Palin shares several characteristics with Senator Obama (female, not African-American, of course - but demographically underrepresented) where Senator McCain could be likened to Senator Biden in experience and age. Each party is putting a different foot forward.

The more troubling idea is that the selection of Governor Palin is to court Senator Clinton supporters disenchanted with the Democratic Party after the nomination of Senator Obama. One might not expect such a gesture to cause voters to switch parties until one considers the recent poll that put 21% of Clinton supporters voting for McCain in November, with another 27% undecided. Should the selection of Governor Palin serve to increase those numbers further, the lack of a united base could be the Democrats' undoing in a year when they should be absolute shoe-ins. If this is the GOP's motive, it stands as an insulting and dangerous move, even by their standards. Trying to lure in Hillary's supporters with a commercial was shady enough - making an actual campaign decision over it is offensive to the popular Alaska governor, who's now more or less bait at the end of the Republicans' rod.

And I'm really not one to extensively consider John McCain ill-health scenarios, but this one would be especially grim. I do not consider a lack of experience in Washington a distinctly bad thing; indeed, candidates who distinguish themselves from the corrupt rank-and-file of Washington are decidedly appealing. But a candidate needs at least a modicum of familiarity with national politics. Governor Palin has held her position for about a year and a half after serving as mayor of a city smaller than the audiences to whom she'll speak. Should McCain run into a health issue, this woman will be sitting across the table from Ahmadinejad. (Okay, just kidding, we probably would have bombed them by then.) And the Republicans say Obama's inexperienced?

On the other hand, this is all a huge gamble for the GOP. They're essentially betting that the amount of Clinton voters garnered by Governor Palin will be substantially greater than the amount of far-right misogynists who might jump ship (and who, I might add, already aren't too keen about a McCain presidency). And besides, any Clinton hold-out who doesn't support Obama now is likely not smart enough to realize that a soccer mom-looking candidate could rule the free world, or even perhaps that the office of vice president exists at all.

Biden's going to have to handle his debates gracefully as well, because I don't even want to think about the media narrative if it gets ugly. "VETERAN WASHINGTON INSIDER VERBALLY ABUSES BRIGHT-EYED AND BUSHY-TAILED MOTHER OF FIVE."

reasons Ohio is better than where you live

2008-08-27T10:10:00.000-04:00

1.) Cedar Point
2.) The best library system in the nation
3.) Dennis Kucinich

funny things

2008-08-25T14:21:00.000-04:00

"For here or to go?"
"... well, I'm going to have half now and take half home, so you figure it out."

When someone underestimates the weight of a door.

the drinking age

2008-08-22T10:11:00.001-04:00

The recent discussion about the drinking age seems like decent enough blogging fodder. Especially because I haven't written anything in awhile.

The debate about the drinking age skirts the real issue of the futility of attempting to legislate a societal fixture. As anyone who's been to college can tell you, the notion that the drinking age plays any significant role in alcohol availability is silly. A student with a brain and a friend can drink when and where he or she wants regardless of his or her age. However, the fact that so much campus drinking is illegal under current legislation makes it impossible for college administrations to handle the issue with responsibility or realistic policy - condoning lawbreaking sends a less-than-inviting message to parents with a fistful of tuition dollars. Colleges are acutely aware of the importance of the issue and inundate freshmen with garbage like AlcoholEdu, now a mandatory aspect of most any Introduction to University Life course. The target audience of such programs is unknown to me. For anyone who does not yet know the risks of drinking upon entering college, trying to convince them of such is like trying to convince your old racist great aunt that Obama isn't a Muslim. If mandating such programs is enough to garner an insurance break for colleges, fine, but we need to stop pretending that it's getting to the heart of the problem.

Lowering the drinking age to 18 would have a positive effect in fostering the concept of drinking as an issue to be addressed instead of a crime to be punished. During my time at the University of Dayton, they had a program once a semester called "How Much Do UDrink?" which purported to offer students a chance to received unbiased and non-judgmental feedback on their drinking with regard to their health and academic careers. Such an initiative was welcome in the face of all the "alcohol is evil" indoctrination that most college students will be used to.

The drinking age does next to nothing in keeping booze out of the hands of college students. And allowing 18-year-olds to purchase alcohol would let them consume responsibly in a bar or restaurant instead of buying a handle from an upperclassman and putting it away in short order. In addition, it would remove some of the mystique of alcohol use and no doubt blunt the impulse to get blackout drunk as soon as one sets foot in a dorm.

Such an idea is not without its pitfalls. Of primary concern is the fact that lowering the drinking age to 18 would make booze far more accessible to high schoolers. Early studies have shown that the popularity of seniors would roughly triple. I'm as progressive as they come, but the prospect of rosy-cheeked and newly-driver's-licensed sophomores driving home with a few beers in their system is worrying enough as is. To make the age of consumption 18 would be to eliminate an obstacle in the way of that happening. Of course there are always older siblings and fake IDs, but opening up alcohol purchasing to a full quarter of a high school class is going to have some effects on availability.

Therefore, let's make the drinking age 19. This is the quick-and-dirty solution. I'd love to suggest something like requiring a high school diploma (perhaps denoted on a driver's license or something) for 18-year-olds to buy alcohol, so as to assuage the common complaint of "I'm old enough to serve my country, etc." But that's probably too ambitious and costly for serious consideration. So 19 is the right answer. Low increase in availability to high school students, and opportunities for college students to drink responsibly (like they are anyway). The notion that people are going to wait to turn 21 is one of the silliest suppositions in society - it's time to tweak the law to be in line with reality.

Motions to reconsider

2008-06-26T23:55:00.000-04:00

S.96 - Illegalizes park bench napping. (Does not override municipal regulations.)
S.123 - Provides monies for harvesting fallow fields.
S.249 - Officially exchanges the meanings of “prole” and “rube”.
S.294 - Grants tax-exempt status to occupied swing sets.
S.621 - Replaces one dispute with another. Pays lip service to conscientious objectors.
S.699 - Names Senate class hamster “Filibuster.”
S.764 - Allows export of Uncle Sam effigies.
S.802 - Subsidizes larkspur seeds for landscaping corporations.
S.963 - Speaks disparagingly of would-be expatriates.
S.1212 - Increases demand for Uncle Sam effigies.
S.1590 - Distributes FEMA support to victims of the Cleveland chest hair vortex.
S.1694 - Demotes one- and two-letter words to new “wordoid” classification.
S.1893 - Emboldens our enemy.
S.1912 - Emboldens the font on interstate signs.
S.2104 - Allows an appeal from unpardoned turkeys.
S.2285 - Equivocates.
S.2286 - Equivocates again.
S.2766 - Provides monies for harvesting fallow fields.

Write Against

2008-06-26T20:52:00.000-04:00

I require a lobster at three in the morning.
I require a drive-thru Mount Rushmore.

Demonstrate for me the next year's model.
Talk about the colors available from the factory,
about the same tunes droning from the stereo,
from under the hood.

Let me valence you, baby.
Let me short out the sparkplugs
of your neurons
in Lake Michigan.
You can crack me open
like a pomegranate,
wash out in the wharf
the grotto of my head,
encapsulate me in a blurb.

Experience the fronds in my stead and blog about them.
Open the moon roof; be my orrery.
Demonstrate for me the sky.

requiescat in pacem

2008-06-13T21:19:00.000-04:00

I don't purport to be able to give any more fitting a tribute than the many better men and women who have already spoke in this regard, but I would be remiss to remain silent upon the loss of probably the finest journalist of our era.

The enthusiasm and respect Tim Russert had for the fields of journalism and politics were absolutely unparalleled, and it is a depressing notion to consider the remainder of this election season without his passionate, informed commentary. This is to say nothing of his long-held position as host of Meet the Press; I cannot imagine that his successor will be able to live up to his legacy.

Exhaustive research, nonpartisan fairness, and an absolute love for his craft were his hallmarks. As Senator Obama put it, he was the standard-bearer for serious journalism today, and the void left in American news upon his passing will not soon be filled.

Tim Russert - 1950-2008. RIP.

on scheduling difficulties

2008-05-17T21:34:00.000-04:00

So ENG 301, Advanced Expository Writing was canceled this summer. The only applicable course in its time slot is ENG 348, Studies in Multicultural Literature. Ugh.

MOOD: EMO
MUSIC: LINKIN PARK

away messages you will never see

2008-05-02T13:25:00.001-04:00

"My significant other seems well above average to me, though I admit that I may be somewhat biased."

"I think my professor's expectations for (particular course) are meaningful and reasonable."

in which I lambaste the democrats

2008-04-28T11:32:00.001-04:00

Homophobia = bigotry, end of story. But don't expect me to attack the republicans on this one, because they have a more reasonable view on gay marriage than democrats do. Republicans point to the Bible's saying that homosexuality is immoral. For someone who reveres the Bible as the literal, perfect, all-relevant word of God, such a belief makes sense. (Discussing all the other beliefs that this implies is beyond the scope of this entry.)

Democrats now like to talk about civil unions. All the benefits of a marriage. But not really a marriage. It's almost like they want straight people and gay people to be... separate, in a way. But still... almost, I don't know. Equal? Separate but equal? That's never caused a problem before, right?

Talk about political convenience.

musings

2008-04-16T10:33:00.000-04:00

People need to cool it with the whole "I'm overworked" away messages. We're in college. You're not unique. Get a grip.

linux sucks

2008-04-10T00:44:00.002-04:00

That's right, Linux sucks.

Linux has one explainable demographic: the computer geek whose life sucks so bad that he or she (okay, he) needs to have constant problems to fix in order to validate his self-worth.

It's more stable! It's more stable! You'll never want to go back to Windows. By the way, we don't have drivers for your wireless card. Use this program to emulate the Windows version of the driver. Oh, and you know how you never have to restart Linux? Well, you have to restart it now. And then it's never going to successfully boot up again.

Because aside from requiring two different installer discs, throwing errors that no one has any conclusive idea about, and freezing upon startup or shutdown, Ubuntu Linux makes my computer run hot. 90º C hot. Plastic-tablecloth-melted-to-the-table hot.

Maybe my computer sucks. I guess I won't argue that. But if it sucks, it sure is good enough for an (apparently inferior) operating system, isn't it?

The only good thing I can say about Ubuntu is that I never thought I'd be relieved to go back to Vista. The Microsoft Sound is going to be music to my ears after this disaster.

musings

2008-04-02T06:38:00.001-04:00

If you've ever taken an elevator down one floor, and you're not physically handicapped, you deserve to be.

step down, Senator Clinton

2008-03-05T11:44:00.000-05:00

After Senator Clinton’s resurgent victory in Tuesday’s contests, the media is all abuzz about her newly-discovered momentum. Barack Obama is certainly no longer considered the presumptive nominee, and both camps are digging in for a battle that’s going to last a lot longer than most expected.

A representative from Senator Clinton’s campaign said that “it’s not about the delegates, it’s about the momentum.” The sad news for them is that it is in fact about the delegates. At the time of this writing it’s unclear just how many delegates Clinton will gain from her victories, but thanks to the Texas caucus, it’s likely that the number will be in the single digits. When one considers that Obama maintains a comfortable 150+ delegate lead on his opponent, Clinton’s surge seems even less relevant.

In addition, the delegate math looks very bad for the New York senator. To detail the calculations would be outside the scope of this article, but by playing around with various delegate calculators available online, it’s been discovered that if Senator Clinton won every remaining contest by a 24.9% margin, she would still be 50 votes shy of Senator Obama’s pledged delegate total. DailyKos blogger PocketNines said it better than I can: “I humbly submit that if Clinton IS breaching those numbers and blowing out Obama in states where he will have ample opportunity to campaign, then he has been caught with a live boy or dead girl.” The blogger’s analysis can be viewed at http://pocketnines.blogspot.com/ and the delegate calculator used is available at http://www.slate.com/features/delegatecounter/ - I urge you to do your own research on this topic, because they’re far from the only sources trumpeting this message.

So why, exactly, is Senator Clinton staying in this race? Because there remains a solitary path to her nomination: taking the contest to the convention and soliciting superdelegate support for her campaign. Those following the race are aware of the role of superdelegates – uncommitted delegates sent to the convention by each state, who are free to change their minds and vote for either candidate.

It is not difficult to see why this is such a dangerous, divisive road. If Senator Clinton is able to garner enough superdelegate support to take the nomination, she’ll be disenfranchising the majority of Democratic voters who have voted in favor of Senator Obama, cheapening the position of Democratic nominee, and wresting control of a campaign that, frankly, she’s lost. It doesn’t need to be pointed out that this will fragment the party.

I guarantee you that Senator Clinton’s Tuesday night speech was much better news to Senator McCain than was Huckabee’s. While McCain is campaigning for the general election right now, the Democrats are still raging against each other, and the likely Democratic nominee is being ridiculously labeled a Muslim, unfit for that 3 AM phone call. What it all boils down to is this: Senator Clinton cares far more about her own interests than getting a Democrat in the White House in 2008.

Therefore, Senator Clinton, it’s over. You ran a good race. Step down while you can still keep a little dignity in doing so. Because on March 4, when you failed to gain any significant amount of delegates from Ohio and Texas, that 3 AM phone call came. And you pretended like you couldn’t hear it ringing.

definitive list of songs that should be on rock band

2008-02-23T17:15:00.000-05:00

Modest Mouse - Dashboard
Ian Hunter - Cleveland Rocks
LCD Soundsystem - Tribulations, North American Scum
The Hold Steady - absolutely anything
Radiohead - Paranoid Android

musings

2008-02-15T21:25:00.000-05:00

He liked when the professor made jokes so that he could see the girl in the hoodie smile.

He thought that she created a light-vacuum, where every beam, every photon clung to her, desperate for the honor to illumine her visage.

He knew she'd find that pretty creepy.

He mentally went over his to-do list for the long weekend:

Fix headphones with electrical tape.
See Cloverfield?

He didn't end up seeing Cloverfield.

you know, that 2007 indie flick that's not juno

2008-02-12T23:54:00.000-05:00

Wes Anderson's underappreciated The Darjeeling Limited is coming to DVD February 26, 2008 and I just wanted to include a few comments on my blog so that its sizable readership can become aware of these things.

There's a unique style in everything that Wes Anderson creates. From a craft standpoint, his passion for beauty on the movie screen is totally evident. Between painstakingly building and detailing all the cars on the title train and setting up some glorious wide angle shots of Indian cities and the countryside, it'll be hard to find a movie of last year that can top this one for pure visual pleasure. (The fact that this movie doesn't have a high-definition release planned is a big disappointment.) The auteur's trademark dusty-dry humor is kicked into high gear, never particularly drawing big laughs but instead weaving subtlety and a sharp script and a brilliant cast into lines that are darkly hilarious, in a way where you really wonder how he does it. His British Invasion soundtracks and memorable slow-motion scenes are unmistakable. At all these things Wes Anderson is at the top of his game.

The rub is that all these things often fail to produce a film that is commercially viable or even accessible to a lot of people, resulting in fairly empty theaters even when it's only showing on one or two screens in the city. I think Daddy Day Camp actually did better.

Which brings me to the point of my review: more people really oughta see this. Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, and Jason Schwartzman (aside from being the three worst noses ever to be in the same frame) really make their parts glow with all the minutia and detail of a strained siblinghood. As far as realistic and believable character development go, you'd be hard pressed to find anything that does it better. And it's all set to a gorgeous backdrop: Anderson crams in every little bit of gorgeous detail onto the screen, with masterful framing used throughout; one could capture almost any image from this film and it would be worthy of a magazine cover.

The Darjeeling Limited also offers plenty to fans of the director's previous work. One big throwback to Rushmore plays a pivotal role in the plot, and of course the cast is riddled with Wes Anderson alumni. The Kinks and the Rolling Stones selections are par for the course with his soundtracks, though this time there are primarily tracks from the scores of Bengali filmmaker Satyajit Ray.

I do think Wes Anderson could stand with getting some new material, though. Let's be honest here, his last three movies could have been called Family Issues, Family Issues II: They're On A Boat This Time, and Family Issues The Reckoning: Train Edition. The interesting thing is that anyone who's seen Rushmore knows that he's capable of crafting power films that aren't all about daddy issues. In fact, Max Fischer is probably one of the most compelling characters he's ever done, and his personality isn't really enhanced much by the loss of his mother. But I digress a little.

The Darjeeling Limited is a unique cinematic triumph in its technique, characters, and subtlety, while failing by being a real love-it-or-hate-it kind of deal. The nuanced, quiet sort of humor is certainly to my liking, but it probably won't make you laugh out loud. In the end, it's a real grower, it's flawed, and it's beautiful, not unlike most of our own sibiling relationships. So what's the verdict? If comedies more subtle than Superbad are lost on you, this probably won't be your cup of tea. If you've a Wes Anderson fan, you've probably already seen it. And if you're looking for something just a little bit different and a little deeper than your typical summer comedy, give this underappreciated gem your consideration.

musings

2008-01-30T07:10:00.000-05:00

I like my presidents like I like my coffee.

I was all about Vampire Weekend until the second song's vocals started with "Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?" and I'm like "Um. Over here."

musings

2008-01-20T23:49:00.000-05:00

Kid A and Yankee Hotel Foxtrot have some definite similarities in album structure and tone. Give them a listen for yourself.

assassin's creed

2008-01-18T07:28:00.000-05:00

Or "More Wasted Potential Than Mr. Harley, My High School Physics Teacher, Said That I Had" or "Way To Review Games A Month After They Come Out, Joe. Seriously, Relevancy Isn't At All Important In Blogging. Why Don't You Tell Me What You Think About The Godfather While You're At It?"

Massive game world. Painstakingly detailed cities. Beautiful historically-accurate setting during the Third Crusade. What could go wrong?

Despite being a game that should have been a shoe-in candidate for Game of the Year, Assassin's Creed flounders; if you were to strip away all the pretty graphics and environs, you'd be left with a game that would garner about as much attention as, say, Fatal Inertia. Never heard of that one? Yeah.

Because the truth is, while Assassin's Creed is one of the most ambitious gaming projects in recent memory... they didn't really put enough effort into the "gaming" side of things.

Example one. Moving your little assassin around. It looks amazing. Altair moves smoothly, diving through produce stands, cat-walking on ledges, climbing up any surface with a foothold. But all you have to do to do any of this is hold two buttons while moving around. Even though it makes for easy navigation, it all feels just too easy.

Example two. The harebrained "social acceptability" system. In Assassin's Creed, guards get pissed at you based on how socially acceptable you are. This means that killing a guard while unseen and then sitting on a bench can go completely unpunished, but if you just so happen to run through town a little too quickly, they'll have the entire king's militia on you with a taste for blood. (No, you're right, it doesn't make sense.) Then you're engaged in the awkward and stiff combat system that, again, looks gorgeous, though you feel you really don't have much control over the fight. Of course, if you walk behind a building and dive into a haystack, your pursuers have absolutely no idea where you are.

Example three. The first assassination is pretty fun. Your task is basically to investigate the town, interrogate people, gather information, then track your target and slay him. But there's next to no difference in how you accomplish the nine assassinations. Kill guards who are tormenting an innocent citizen (who are all repeating the same two lines), get some information. Find some town crier guy who's shouting some speech about the king (which just so happens to be the same speech in every city), interrogate him, kill him.

It's utterly boring. Unless the first assassination was absolute gaming bliss to you, you will be sick of this game by the time it's over. And if you have Rock Band or Call of Duty 4 or Mass Effect, just forget about it.

Assassin's Creed could and should have been amazing. If the combat engine had even half the polish of Devil May Cry or Ninja Gaiden or something like that, the game would probably be a triumph. Substance over style, people. Despite the dazzling visuals, interesting storyline, and historical context, Assassin's Creed manages to be about as captivating as an old educational video on the Crusades.

swingos - westlake, oh

2007-12-27T22:08:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'll admit it - I walked into Swingos expecting to be underwhelmed. Their brunch buffet failed to impress me the first time I was there. And I can't even give that a fair review because I was expecting it to be of similar quality to Pier W (which was undergoing remodeling when I last went to Swingos). My party's experience at this Cleveland culinary mainstay was far from underwhelming and totally engaged us in flavor, presentation, and service.

The meal began with complimentary cod roe on crispy croutons - light and smooth with a daring garlic bite that served as the perfect starter for the noteworthy Caesar salad. Available for $18 for two as a substitute for the dinner salad included with all entrées, this classic is prepared tableside - the dressing carefully mixed in a wooden bowl and the croutons lightly fried in butter before being served warm over crisp romaine hearts. Heavy on crushed garlic, freshly-ground black pepper, and lemon, the aromas wafting across your table pale in comparison to the outstanding flavor. The portions were extremely generous - we had it prepared for three and split for four people and were still left with plates that would have made a light lunch.

Two members of our party enjoyed the Steak Romano: twin filet mignons grilled and lightly coated with garlic and herb breadcrumbs served with a cabernet reduction. Side dishes available were roasted redskin potatoes with Parmesan and rosemary, potatoes Lyonnaise, and steamed broccoli. I ordered the featured entrée which was similar to the Steak Romano - the same two breaded filets served with angel hair pasta in a wonderfully creamy pesto sauce with tomato and mushroom. It was garnished with caramelized red onion in a fried potato basket - a playful and eye-catching presentation. The beef was delicious though a few degrees overdone in my opinion; if you prefer your steak medium rare, I'd suggest you order it rare at Swingos. The pasta was smooth and subtle and an excellent pairing for the beef. As with the salad, portions were generous - each meal at $38 was enough to make us consider skipping dessert, though after we saw the selections we ended up regaining our resolve.

The wine list read more like an almanac - Swingos is internationally known for its expansive wine selection, and to highlight some of the notable vintages is beyond the scope of my review as well as my expertise. It suffices to say that any oenophile will find something that impresses. Our knowledgeable server suggested wine pairings for our meal selections, and we settled on splitting a bottle of their house Swingos Grand Tavern Pinot Noir. Made with Oregon grapes and bottled at Ohio's Grand River, it carried a slight alcohol tinge in its aroma, but was at once fruity and earthy. At a reasonable $30 a bottle, it was a fairly easy choice, and could pair well with any steak.

Because we enjoyed the tableside preparation of the Caesar salad, we were drawn to the desserts which were served in a similar manner; we selected the cherries jubilee. Delightfully sour cherries drenched in Grand Marnier and brandy, flambéed with Bacardi 151 and served over delicious vanilla ice cream. $18 bought a portion easily satisfying for three. The Quill Coffee also comes highly recommended - fine dark roast coffee with cream, Kahlúa, Baileys Irish Cream and amaretto. Even the plain coffee was an experience. It was served with Belgian chocolate shavings, cinnamon sticks and raw sugar to accent it as you wish.

The atmosphere was simple and pleasing for the most part. Even though the restaurant is right on Lake Erie, the view of the Cleveland skyline isn't nearly as good as Pier W (just on the other side of the condominium complex). The music was almost too pop for the atmosphere. Some smooth jazz or even piano would have been very welcome, but we actually heard a Red Hot Chili Peppers song. Honestly, a minor complaint considering the excellence of the food and service. The entire meal was paced extremely well. The entrées came out after the salad had just enough time to settle, and we enjoyed our coffee beverages for about fifteen minutes before our dessert was made. Overall, our visit was about two and a half hours of relaxed dining.

The Swingos name has been a fixture on the Greater Cleveland restaurant scene for years and years and its easy to see why. Their dedication to excellent preparation of culinary classics is evident in everything on the menu, and you could go a lifetime without tasting everything on their wine list. With a menu ranging from chicken to veal to almost a dozen seafood choices, their entertaining tableside preparations and the staff's expertise and friendliness, Swingos is a dining classic not to be missed.

merry christmas

2007-12-25T01:11:00.000-05:00

On a Christmas Eve so freezing, I commenced my quest displeasing,
Through the crowded shops and busy stores of flashy Yuletide glee.
In I hustled quickly tiring, looks of hopelessness inspiring,
To the salesman inquiring, "Have you a Nintendo Wii?"
"Sorry, sir" was his reply "for I have no Nintendo Wii.
All that's left is PS3."

top ten albums of 2007

2007-12-17T01:16:00.000-05:00

I don't think 2007 was quite as awesome for music as 2006, just because 2007 didn't have Boys and Girls in America. Not without its highlights, however, 2007 brought us plenty of solid listening from artists new and old. I humbly submit to you, dear reader, my ten favorite albums of the year.

10.) Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
I honestly don't even have much to say about this album. Spoon are at the top of their genre and constantly crank out some of the catchiest and well-crafted tracks that indie rock has to offer. The fact that it's so damn short is disappointing, but a testament to its resilience - it definitely stands up to repeated listens.

09.) Kanye West - Graduation
Kanye West has done a lot more for rap than teaching us that it's okay for white people to listen to it, and Graduation - while not as bombastic and hubristic as Late Registration - is the best hip-hop album of the year. 'Ye lays down lines like "I'm like the fly Malcolm X / Buy any jeans necessary" which, despite being a pretty solid representation of everything wrong with hip-hop today, is a freaking hot line, man. A real grower of an album - nothing hits you in the face like "Gold Digger" or "Touch the Sky", but every track sounds better and better the more you listen to them. And he won his feud with 50, so that's another feather in his cap.

08.) The Field - From Here We Go Sublime
Ambient techno isn't something one hears incredibly often unless they seek it out - and Axel Willner's debut opus is a fantastic reason to do just that. Quite possibly the most beautiful-sounding and hypnotic album of the year, Willner weaves together layers of stringy synths, pulsing bass, and ghostlike vocals into an utterly entrancing and ecstatic 65 minutes. Played over a 5.1 system or a great set of headphones, From Here We Go Sublime is especially atmospheric and ethereal.

07.) Jens Lekman - Night Falls Over Kortedala
Those familiar with the previous works of Mr. Lekman know that his boyish charm and sugar-sweet lyrics make him a fantastic choice to show a girl how sensitive you are (as long as you're sure they won't fall in love with him). The amazing Night Falls Over Kortedala maintains his typical romantic subject matter and pairs it with orchestral horn flourishes, 60s and 70s pop stylings, and Motown, to mention a few of the many disparate influences you'll hear. A witty and lovelorn lyricist demonstrating a mastery of unabashedly sunny melodies with splendid pop sensibilities? The girlfriend will love it, too.

06.) Sunset Rubdown - Random Spirit Lover
Honestly, Spencer Krug is in more bands than I can name, and how he manages to churn out so much incredible material is just beyond me. Combining dense and layered guitars with his cracked and wavering voice, Random Spirit Lover is at once elegant and staggering. The album doesn't lose any steam from the joyous opening of "The Mending of the Gown", pairing blissful piano and guitar interplay with Krug's trademark vocals. "Up On Your Leopard, Upon the End of Your Feral Days" is another absolute highlight, sounding like swaggering circus music. I no longer consider Sunset Rubdown a "side project" of Wolf Parade - this is better than anything they've ever done.

05.) LCD Soundsystem - Sound of Silver
Cheap beer has nothing on James Murphy for getting white kids to dance. Sound of Silver is without a doubt the band's most mature release yet - nine exceedingly groovy, party-ready tracks that strangely capture the warmth and crispness of all the classic rock and electronic vinyls that Murphy sings about in "Losing My Edge". Switching between his freewheeling high-pitched delivery in "North American Scum" to a subdued and sweet techno ballad in "Someone Great", the bandleader is as versatile of a vocalist as he is a songwriter, and I really only see him getting better.

04.) Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
Neon Bible was released to enormous expectations on the heels of the band's 2004 offering, the grandiose, morose, beautiful Funeral - and while not quite living up to its predecessor, it shows a logical progression as these somber rockers (riding their internet-fueled wave of popularity) expound upon their strong suits - homaging Springsteen through expansive instrumentation and Win Butler's intense vocals. Not as likely to move you as Funeral - on the other hand, not as likely to depress you, and definitely one of the most ornately-crafted works of the year.

03.) Animal Collective - Strawberry Jam
The experimental psychedelic notions of Animal Collective are still rarely heard outside of stoners' iPods and college radio, but Strawberry Jam demonstrates the group blending their growing pop sensibilities with the, (okay,) inaccessible freak-folk noise-rock that's made up the remainder of their discography. The result is profoundly interesting and unpredictable tracks that manage to be loads of fun to listen to at the same time.

02.) Panda Bear - Person Pitch
That's right, two Animal Collective-related albums in a row at the 2 and 3 spots. I can do that. Noah Lennox's third release as a solo artist channels the choral harmonies of The Beach Boys and the distant emotions of The Velvet Underground through seven gorgeous, intricate tracks that defy shoehorning into a genre. From the canon-sounding "Comfy in Nautica" to the hauntingly upbeat "Take Pills" to the intense "Good Girl / Carrots" (one of the two 12+ minute tracks on the disc), expectations are shattered and new musical frontiers are explored.

01.) Radiohead - In Rainbows
Yeah, I know. Radiohead has the best album of the year? Real effing unexpected. But the long-awaited follow up to Hail to the Thief was absolutely worth the wait. The legendary band's latest album is much warmer and intimate than the alienation and somberness permeating most of the rest of their discography. Though not at all without Yorke's trademark lyrics of disillusionment and hopelessness, lyrical subject matter delves into people and relationships - who really expected to hear "I don't wanna be your friend / I just want to be your lover" kicking off a Radiohead track? The transition is welcome - Radiohead seem to have abandoned their search for the ultimate synthesis between rock and electronic music, as awkwardly attempted in Hail to the Thief - and the result is an incredibly natural feel, ranging from the near-danceable "Bodysnatchers" to the magnificent "Nude" that gives "How to Disappear Completely" a run for its money. It's still rock music, and it's the same Radiohead that we love - but it's a band at peace with itself and the world.

musings

2007-12-15T23:02:00.000-05:00

Dreaming about being in love is the absolute worst. One minute you're in some fairy wonderland with the girl of your, well, dreams, and the next you're looking at your ceiling in your boxers, alone and unloved, the tinny tones of your cell phone alarm clock summoning you to a day of selling video games to angry parents.

musings

2007-12-06T00:53:00.000-05:00

If the joy of a walk in the snow is honestly overshadowed by the necessity to shovel your driveway or brush off your car, then you will never again be a happy person.

radiohead - in rainbows (bonus disc)

2007-12-03T15:02:00.000-05:00

I started writing a review of In Rainbows for this blog, but I didn't finish it fast enough and would have gotten it done a week after the album came out, dooming it to irrelevance. Now the In Rainbows disc box has shipped out, so I may as well write something up on the bonus disc.

If the average unknown band could put together an album the quality of Radiohead B-sides, we'd be hearing them everywhere within a month. And Radiohead's unorthodox release of the beautiful In Rainbows left listeners wondering whether the bonus disc would just be a collection of tracks that didn't make the cut, or an actual second half of the album. While remaining disparate from disc one in that it rarely matches the ghostly string swells and silky guitar, the new tracks absolutely stand on their own, at times perhaps even more surprising and innovative than disc one.

The second disc kicks off with a track called "MK 1", with disorganized meandering piano and Thom's croons eventually descending into a reprise of "Videotape", the disc one closer. To my dismay, the track didn't expand into the gorgeous finisher that was played in the band's 2006 tour. Nevertheless, it serves as a suitable transition from the first disc to the second.

"Down is the New Up" begins with a beating grand piano in contrast to the drowsy opener. "Your services are not required /Your future's bleak, you're so last week" Thom sings, quickly bringing the band's typically dismal subject matter to the forefront. The track steadily crescendos and strings build intensity as Yorke belts the titular line with staggering power, one of the disc's (band's?) absolute high points. The orchestra and powerful vocals combine to sound something like a James Bond song done by Radiohead, and if that doesn't sound awesome to you, just listen to the track.

Crackly synth evocative of M83 begins "Go Slowly", which is then dotted with wintery glockenspiel before Yorke's ethereal voice enters as an instrument all its own. The track climaxes with an unexpected but not unwelcome acoustic guitar part as Thom sings "There's a way out", once again in line with the more uplifting themes (as far as Radiohead goes) of the first disc.

"MK 2" is next, creepy electronic noises playing what sounds like the chords from "Nude". I know Radiohead likes to be artsy and pretentious and they can pull it off better than any other band making music today, but the inclusion of both "MK" tracks brings the bonus disc down to six tracks worth serious listening. We've now really reached my only gripe.

A pretty piano part beneath Yorke's falsetto begins "Last Flowers", and the acoustic guitar enters shortly thereafter. The interplay between the two instruments is so evocative of "Karma Police" that I would wager the same chords were used. (This is a very good thing.)

"Up On The Ladder" brings distorted, jangling guitars with a pulsing bass drum that are later matched by synthesized strings and skittering digital percussion, creating the perfect uneasy soundscape to highlight "Up on the ladder /try to call out your name / up on the ladder / you're all the fucking same". Absolutely another highlight; one of the best post-Kid A integrations of electronics into the band's music.

Disc two's complement to "Bodysnatchers", "Bangers & Mash" begins with a groovy guitar part backed with heavy percussion that is strangely danceable for a Radiohead track. The listener can tell that Yorke isn't lying with "I want to thank you, thank you, thank you all / I'm having such a good time, a good time" - this track is proof that the band isn't afraid to do something a little more lighthearted than their typical faire.

The bonus disc culminates with "4 Minute Warning", beginning with a string swell that sounds a little out of place considering the rest of the song. A lazy bassline paired with what sounds like synthesized steel drums finally show off the dub reggae influences the band was talking about during recording. Despite the uplifting feel of the song, the lyrics are typical - "I don't wanna hear it / I don't wanna grow old / I just wanna run and hide" - though it finishes sounding like an admonishment to make the best of the time we've got. With all of disc one in mind, it feels like an exceedingly fitting album-closer.

The bonus disc of In Rainbows feels neither like the second half of the album nor a collection of B-sides to go with the first half. It's more like a companion EP - short, sweet, and clearly reminiscent of In Rainbows - and perfect to listen to immediately after. The gorgeous balance of the band's latest work remains, and the bonus disc elucidates on its themes and strikes high points of its own. To the lucky few with the disc box and the frugal many who will have alternate means of acquiring it, the second half of In Rainbows is more or less as captivating as the first.

musings

2007-12-02T16:48:00.000-05:00

The adjective "gay" does have an acceptable and unique meaning in modern English, and people who don't like using it to mean anything besides "homosexual" are liberal-for-the-sake-of-liberal, more-sensitive-than-thou sticks in the mud.

And this is coming from someone who watches Project Runway, so...

musings

2007-11-28T21:33:00.000-05:00

Pierre Bayard's How to Talk About Books You Haven't Read is a blissfully eloquent and profound survey of literature and the vast majority of such that will inevitably remain unread. I only wish I had known how to talk about books that I hadn't read in high school.

Pushing Daisies is the perfect show. It's totally unlike anything else on TV, and it matches a brilliantly colorful cast of characters with razor-sharp writing and subtlety that generously rewards attentive viewers. This is to say nothing of the swoon-inducing love story and heaps more originality than any other old procedural forensic romp. Here's to hoping in earnest that the strike doesn't end up hurting this one.

musings

2007-11-09T12:20:00.000-05:00

If I ever start a pretentious post-rock or shoegaze band, one of our songs is definitely going to be called "Peak Leaf-Viewing Time Always Slips Away Unnoticed."

I walked past a fast food restaurant today and the smell was distinctly that of Cedar Point fried food, and now I'm jonesing for a couple laps on Maverick.

It snowed a few days ago and I was happy for that, but there was no accumulation, and, fittingly, it descended into a miserable cold sleet that was fun for no one.

musings

2007-10-23T17:51:00.000-04:00

Last night I dreamt of snow, so it only makes sense that today was full of gloomy rain.

The scariest part about Halloween is that its other name is NaNoWriMo Eve.

the darjeeling limited

2007-10-19T20:27:00.000-04:00

EDIT: THIS REVIEW SUCKS AND I HATE IT, GOD ONLY KNOWS WHY I'M LEAVING IT UP, DON'T READ

Ask any hipster what you get when you blend distinct quirkiness, family issues, and the Futura font and you couldn't possibly get a reply other than Wes Anderson. Crafter of critical darlings Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums, the filmmaker's unmistakable style and creative flair have driven some of the most revered dark comedies of the past several years. And with each successive film came growth - not necessarily in quality or storytelling or wit (many would argue quite the contrary) - but in scope and ambition. The Darjeeling Limited - a story of estranged brothers bonding on a journey across India - follows in the footsteps of its predecessors, with a few key twists to the traditional Wes Anderson dramedy. (can I say that word?)

Most notably, the cast of characters (riddled with Wes Anderson alumni) isn't nearly as expansive as in his previous films - no Tenenbaum family or Zissou crew here - instead, most of the film is centered around the relationships between the three Whitman brothers. Consequently, each character's lines had plenty of room to breathe, and the relationship between Wilson, Schwartzman and Brody becomes alive and nuanced and real. When you set this to a backdrop of the gorgeously-shot country of India and a soundtrack melding Anderson's typical British rock with perfectly-fitting Indian music, you have the recipe for one of the most striking films of the year.

Missteps are few and far between - Anjelica Huston (despite being used to great effect in previous Anderson flicks) had a part so brief and cut short that one must wonder if she only had one hour open to film. It also could have used another fifteen minutes. Less dialog-heavy than one would expect from Anderson, a lot of development and message was not the vocal kind - but I found myself craving more of the auteur's trademark off-beat witticisms. Most unforgivable, though, is the heavy-handed symbolism near the end with all the subtlety of a Michael Bay film. For being a small portion of screen time, it does manage to leave a bittersweet taste in the viewer's mouth.

The voyage in The Darjeeling Limited is an enjoyable voyage for the viewer - melancholy, bittersweet, and oft saying to hell with the itinerary. Anderson (and writers Roman Coppola and Jason Schwartzman) wove love and loss and time into a touching and sincere journey that matches great actors with great characters. The result is the director's most heartfelt and mature movie to date - as beautifully imperfect and incomplete as all our dearest relationships.